Quantifying Friendship
by Whitewave42
Summary: Set before the series and in the very early days of their friendship, this explores some of Maura's thoughts and fears about friendship.


Hi All! So this is before the girls really know each other well, nothing really specific about the time frame other than that.

* * *

Maura sat in her office and tried not to stare at her phone. The unfinished report that stared back at her, ignored and unfinished, was a testament to her failure. It was Friday afternoon, and it had been two days since she had talked to Jane about anything unrelated to work. It made Maura anxious, because she was afraid it was a bad sign.

Many years before, Maura had identified within herself an impressive ability to see the best in people to her own detriment. She would miss undesirable traits in her desperation to please others and cultivate friendships. She could also mistake clear indications of a toxic relationship for deficiencies in her own ability to make a friendship work, taking the blame on herself and damaging her own self esteem.

In order to combat this prevalent blind spot she had created a friendship test. She had never explained the test to anyone, fearing judgement at her attempt to take something as emotional and organic as a human relationship and turn it into an empirical, scientific exercise, but she found it was the only way to determine whether she should abandon a relationship or continue to put time and effort into it.

The test was simple. If she noticed a tendency for the initiations of social interactions to be one sided, she would start to count. Once she had observed three consecutive initiations on her part with no reciprocations, she would cease her attempts to contact the subject unless they reinitiated the relationship on their side. The test was subject to conditions, such as ensuring there were no mitigating factors on the subject's side such as illness or family emergency, but it seemed to be a logical methodology of examining the integrity of a friendship.

She had used the test twice in her life so far, with a 100% fail rate. The first was a friend that she had made during her time at high school. Once they had both gone off to college Maura would call her once a week and they would talk, catching up on new friends, their courses, their lives. One week Maura had forgotten to call and felt awful, but planned to apologise when the friend rang her. When the next weekend came and there was still no phone call, Maura started to wonder if her affection was one sided and decided to wait. After the third week passed with no call she realised the test would be the most efficient way to discover the truth. She finally heard from her almost a year later, when Maura's help was needed for a summer project. Maura helped of course, but their friendship grew cold and distant, eventually fading into a memory.

The second time was during her residency. A colleague had struck up a conversation during a lunch break and they had developed a relationship based on their love of forensics. Maura had noticed that although they talked about their work all the time, there was never any discussion about their lives or any other subjects. After three unreciprocated attempts at suggesting they interact outside of work Maura realised that she was being used for her knowledge rather than being treated as a friend. This particular instance wasn't as painful as the last, due to the misconception of friendship being only on Maura's side, but the test still proved useful in clarifying the situation.

Now Maura had found occasion to enact the test again. She had known Jane Rizzoli for almost a year, and Maura thought they had developed a tentative friendship. They had met while Jane was on the job, and after some initial confusion over her attire they had become friendly. Jane had moved into homicide shortly after they met, which led to them spending more time together at work.

Maura had been delivering a report to Detective Korsak's desk when a group of detectives had been leaving to go to the Dirty Robber for drinks, and Jane had extended an invitation, which Maura accepted despite her surprise at being included. Jane had also defended her against several attempts at disparagement from some of the other detectives, which endeared her immensely, being used to suffering the insults of her colleagues in silence.

After that initial invitation Maura had ensured that she was in the vicinity of the bullpen every Friday so that she could secure another invitation. She enjoyed the nights out immensely, especially her time with Jane. She found the brash detective to be intelligent, bold and outspoken; however she was also polite and inclusive towards Maura, which was a hard characteristic to find.

After several months of this Maura knew that she wanted to be sure that the friendship was what she thought. She couldn't stand the thought of the relationship being one sided again. If the detective was only tolerating her out of respect for her position or pity for her woeful social skills, Maura would prefer to know now while the pain could be minimised.

This was the sad circumstance that had led to her most unproductive Friday since she had started with BPD. A report that should have taken an hour to complete was still unfinished, the next four not started yet. She had been alternating between staring at the phone and listening for footsteps, both in vain. Maura was frustrated with her inability to concentrate, but was also unable to remedy the situation.

She glanced at her clock and realised that if the detectives were going for drinks they should have already left. Maura's shoulders sagged in defeat; her anxiety and anticipation had been for nothing. Jane didn't care for her as a friend, she was only a colleague. Maura had yet again failed to make an impact on someone enough to engender a desire to spend more time with her.

Sighing, Maura closed the documents she was working on and packed up her desk. She would go home and regroup, returning on Monday with a renewed focus. She realised still had two more Fridays to go before the test would be considered a failure. Maura wondered if her nerves were up to the challenge, but past experience had told her that once the first hurdle had been toppled the others were sure to fall. All she was waiting on was confirmation of the hypothesis.

She picked up her bag and turned off the office light. As she grasped the handle of the door and backed out of her office she suddenly felt an impact and realised she had backed into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry….Jane?"

The lanky detective had somehow snuck up on her, presumably while she was lost in thought. There was a cocky smile on Jane's face as she took in Maura's appearance.

"Going somewhere? We're waiting for you at the Robber, are you coming?"

Maura couldn't help the huge smile that spread across her face. "You waited for me?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "Of course I did, it's not the same without you. Let's go!"

Maura continued to smile as she followed Jane to the elevator. She had never been so thrilled to pass a test in her life. So this is what it was like to have a friend.


End file.
